Tuesday, July 26, 2005

Master of the Mystic Arts...

There's a picture of Doug TenNapel from Augie De Blieck Jr's column at CBR where he looks like Dr. Strange.

"BY THE BLESSED BLOOD OF THE REDEEMER! Baron Mordo has opened a Planned Parenthood center!"

Monday, July 25, 2005


God Doesn't exist....

Tuesday, July 19, 2005


Friday, July 15, 2005


Day 1-

DC's BAT-PANEL: No suprises really. The biggest news being Paul Pope's Batman: Year 100 mini-series. No announcement concerning Grant Morrison's run on Detective Comics which is kind of dissapointing.

DC's "IN BRIGHTEST DAY PANEL" : Some interesting stuff here. Johns says that we're going to get to see Van Sciver draw a rat Green Lantern in issue four. From reading this, it seems that Johns has a very good grasp of what a good GL comic should be: alien space-cops with power rings. Hopefully, his Green Lantern will continue to be good and not degenerate into JSA levels of stinky.

DC's SPIRIT PANEL: Darwyn Cooke is doing a Spirit on-going series. Do I really need to say anything except GENTLEMEN START YOUR BONERS!?!?

MARVEL'S ULTIMATE PANEL: Mark your calendars boys and girls because it seems that Ultimate Peter Parker's life is going to get a little more tangled up when ULTIMATE SILVER SABLE stops by to "heat" things up for the young hero. Take that Mary Jane, you jealous little cunt. In other news, the third part of Ellis' brilliant Ultimate Galactus trilogy promises to not be that brilliant. I say this because the assigned artist is Strange's Brandon Peterson and his overendered Image-ish dreck is stiff and oogly. Ellis' deconstruction, in the hands of a good artist, can be suspensful and atmospheric--i.e. Ultimate Nightmare. But in the hands of a not-so-hot artist, the resulting comic book can be boring, uninvolving, and ugly--i.e. Ultimate Fantastic Four: N-Zone. Speaking of Ultimate Nightmare, Jesus wants Ellis and Hairsine to take over The Ultimates.

MARVEL'S HOUSE OF M: X-MEN PANEL: This panel has piqued my interest in House of M (editor's note- the "M" stands for Magneto) a tiny bit. What intrigues me is Joe Q's asseration that Bendis will answer whether or not Magneto is a straight up villain or a anti-hero and what's up with Morrison's Planet X story arc. If Benids establishes that Morrison's Magneto was a phoney, then he will join Claremonster in a special corner of hell. The important news from this is that Peter David and Ryan Sook are doing a X-Factor ongoing. It was rumored that PAD was going to this since Madrox finished, but Sook on art duties is best case scenario. If this comic book sucks, Marvel should stop making comic books. The X-Men/Power Pack crossover was also announced. Joe Quesada offered a sarcastic "because you demanded it!" after the dramatic revelation. Now if Joe is joking about nobody caring about the book, it follows that he knows that nobody cares. Well if Joe knows that nobody cares why are they publishing it?

VERTIGO PANEL: Wow. Every book that they're pimping seems pretty damn fantastic. Steven Seagle and Becky Cloonan's American Virgin is my favorite of the new books; topical, blasphemous, and funny all in one comic. Also of note is the equally blasphemousTestament written by Douglas Rushkoff with art by Liam Sharp. At first it sounded like a heavy-handed Invisibles knock off but then I saw Rushkoff's got an impressive c.v. Maybe he can pull it of, I'm definitely going to read it to find out. Add to them two a Fables hardcover, a BKV book about lions, and a western by Brian Azzarello and you've got quite a buffet of quality.

Thursday, July 14, 2005


The nominations for the 57th Annual Primetime Emmys were announced today. Leading the nominations were the ABC skank saga Desperate Housewives, NBC's Will & Grace (a show so unfunny it's not funny), and the legitimately amazing TV movie The Life and Death of Peter Sellers. What's great, however, is that Deadwood was nominated for best drama and its star Ian McShane was nominated for best lead actor in a drama. What really really sucks though is that Super Powers Boothe (so so deserving on a best supporting nod) got the shaft. Deadwood's writers got the same--no nominations for best writing on a TV drama. That is an abomination against god and man.

Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard details in his comic masterpiece Operating Thetan that mankind's woes were caused by an evil alien named Xenu. Note that this is one letter away from Xemnu (see above photograph) who once tangled with the mighty Defenders. This begs the question as to why someone has yet to create a religion based on 1970s Marvel comics.

From Gerber Book 12:
  • "And 'lo it was revealed from the firmament that fear did burn at the touch of the Man-Thing and that this was good and right."
  • "And it came to pass, that Man-Thing was now Giant Size Man-Thing and that he who waddles and smokes did descend from the heavens and verily it was wacky."
  • "And Nighthawk did foresee that Jim Wilson would become unclean and Hulk was sore afraid and did much harm to the Sanctum Sanctorum."

Which Side Are You On?
This is tough because I like Hawkman a lot more than I like Adam Strange but the Thanagarians are such twats. But I don't know if Carter Hall is exactly a Thanagarian so I'm not sure if I have to pledge allegiance. Rann seems a lot more up tight and their culture is not as cool (i.e. giant wings are better than jetpacks) but Thanagar would make the universe worship some lame god involved in lame JSA story-arcs so I reluctantly side with Rann.

VH1's Celebreality: an Evaluation

The Surreal Life 5- The lovable fuck-ups and misfits of seasons 3 and 4 have been replaced by a collection of Pop Culture detritus so despicable that there is no reason that this shouldn't be one of the greatest things ever shown on television. Everyone expects Omarosa to be the queen bitch of this freakshow but that title belongs to uber-hasbeen supermodel Janice Dickinson. Years of cocaine and plastic surgery abuse have produced a being that is truly a sight to behold. Watch the fun as Janice threatens to leave because of the unwelcomed advances of Cousin Balki/creepozoid Bronson Pinchot. A+

Hogan Knows Best- Hulk is overprotective of his daughter and kind of acts like a meathead. The end. Very boring...Hulk seems like a decent person and a good father. That is a recipe for horrible reality television. D
I have compiled a list of wrestler based Osbournes-ripoffs I would rather watch:
  • Sgt. Slaughter and Co.
  • Life with Hacksaw
  • Macho Man and Woman
  • Allah my Children: At Home with the Iron Sheik

Celebrity Fit Club 2- This season has a bumpy road ahead of it; living up to Daniel Baldwin's narcotics induced freak-out is no easy feat. I'm confident, however, that new celebrity fatty (and crazy person) Gary Busey is up to the task. Also on the scales is Willie Aames- professional Baio stooge and Christian Super Hero. Warrant lead singer Jani Lane is also on hand for the festivities. I assumed his big hit was about vaginas or something but I guess it was about actual pies. A-

Monday, July 11, 2005

A Mystery.....

What the hell does this even mean....
I see these things all over the internet but where do they come from and why are they infesting on-line nerdom?

What is the appeal of a strangely fetal-like Son of Satan?


ITEM: I've been reading Peter David's run on Hulk and aside from the constant and irritating pop-culture references it's...incredible (har). Maybe Bruce Banner watches a lot of TV while on the run from the Avengers, the government, and the U-Foes. I don't know but David's constant quipping is tiresome. Peter David is extremely proud of the fact that he watches a lot of TV. He is not alone. I remember that in Crisis on Infinite Earths Batman makes namechecks a movie called The Prisoner but then makes it a point to make sure the Joker know that he's not referencing the TV show of the same name. Now, I love the Wolfman...more than any man should probably...but goddammit Batman doesn't watch movies! Batman has to pretend he's a billionaire during the day and then beat up on the metally ill during the night. Not much time left to introduce himself to cult film and television. Comic book writers are all dorks but their subjects are not.

ITEM: JMS=Just Makes Shit. I just read Fantastic Four #528 and found it less than awesome. In the issue, JMS (creator of the hit Science Fiction series Jeremiah) tells us that Sue bacame invisible because men have always pretended she wasn't there, Ben became the Thing because he always had a tough exterior, and Johhny became the Human Torch because he liked to set hobos on fire BLAH BLAH BLAH. I think that JMS should become the new writer on Wolverine so he can tell us that Logan was once in a big glass tank with tubes up his nose and that he once hung out with Japanese people. But compared to Amazing Spider-Man and Strange his FF issues are practically Maus. His Strange mini-series asked "what would Dr. Strange be like if he was poorly drawn and a Matrix knockoff?" The answer to that question was sucky and cost $3.50 an issue.

ITEM: Captain America and Wolverine will make the blind see and the lame walk. Brube and Epting have created a Captain America epic containing everything you could possibly want in a Cap comic: AIM, S.H.I.E.L.D, the Red Skull, Crossbones, Invaders flashbacks, Bucky, Baron Zemo, Cosmic Cubes etc. Millar and Romita Jr.'s Wolverine stories do the same thing with Wolvie. So far we've gotten ninjas, zombies, Alpha Flight members, zombie Alpha Flight Members, Sentinels, Nick Fury, mayhem, gore, and general badassery. These books merge Classic Marvel and the slick, NuMarvel asthectic together perfectly. Big action explodem-ups and funky villains coexist peacfully with dialogue heavy sequences and television & film inspired intrigue. Excellent stuff.

Sunday, July 10, 2005


Warren Ellis=David Brent of the Internet

New Blog...Who cares???

OMG it's another blog WTF. I figure that there are a lot of blogs that are about comics and crap like that and most of them are made by tards. This one is made by a tard as well, but this one has style.

This BLOG WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE AND CAUSE YOUR PUBIC HAIR TO GROW PUBES OF ITS OWN...that is a promise. You can take that to the bank.