Thursday, July 14, 2005

VH1's Celebreality: an Evaluation

The Surreal Life 5- The lovable fuck-ups and misfits of seasons 3 and 4 have been replaced by a collection of Pop Culture detritus so despicable that there is no reason that this shouldn't be one of the greatest things ever shown on television. Everyone expects Omarosa to be the queen bitch of this freakshow but that title belongs to uber-hasbeen supermodel Janice Dickinson. Years of cocaine and plastic surgery abuse have produced a being that is truly a sight to behold. Watch the fun as Janice threatens to leave because of the unwelcomed advances of Cousin Balki/creepozoid Bronson Pinchot. A+

Hogan Knows Best- Hulk is overprotective of his daughter and kind of acts like a meathead. The end. Very boring...Hulk seems like a decent person and a good father. That is a recipe for horrible reality television. D
I have compiled a list of wrestler based Osbournes-ripoffs I would rather watch:
  • Sgt. Slaughter and Co.
  • Life with Hacksaw
  • Macho Man and Woman
  • Allah my Children: At Home with the Iron Sheik

Celebrity Fit Club 2- This season has a bumpy road ahead of it; living up to Daniel Baldwin's narcotics induced freak-out is no easy feat. I'm confident, however, that new celebrity fatty (and crazy person) Gary Busey is up to the task. Also on the scales is Willie Aames- professional Baio stooge and Christian Super Hero. Warrant lead singer Jani Lane is also on hand for the festivities. I assumed his big hit was about vaginas or something but I guess it was about actual pies. A-


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